He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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