So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
