some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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