In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
