I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
