This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is the high leading the old right now
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
