Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
