just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
