I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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