We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
