im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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