i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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