I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
