he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
