i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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