I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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