I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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