Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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