somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
