all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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