I want to have your abortion
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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