i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
