i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
