Umm I'm too high to move.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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