I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize