Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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