and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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