alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
