the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
ok first of all what the fuck
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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