if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ladies don't puke and tell
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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