I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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