you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
one might say we're banned from that church
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize