we have pet lesbian snakes
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize