Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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