There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
