This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
