I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
