Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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