I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
