nut hugger
The maid of honor just puked.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
