I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is the high leading the old right now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
