my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
