How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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