I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
