they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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