it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
