Sponge bath it is.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Randomize
