In the future we'll all be gay
I puked a lego.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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