I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
