So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
