I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
