Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
