I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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