How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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