The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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