i love accidental penises.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
