i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
