I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
