drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
