i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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