woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
