I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
