we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
