what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
