The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
