I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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