I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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