im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
