fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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