let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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