So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
