just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
