Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So vagazzling was a success
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
