Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
