I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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