The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
