We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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