I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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