I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
