Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
