I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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