Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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