i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
