Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
