but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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