i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
