if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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