yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
