FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
