I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
