I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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