apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
