Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
