shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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