I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
is it fun? or sober?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
